It took me a while to discover the atmospheric Cracow with pretty tiny streets, cosy cafes and restaurants, interesting small shops. It took me a while to accept that the vibrant city is my (another) home where I can belong and simply be happy. A city to which I would saddly say goodbye to.

The famous Piwnica pod Baranami where you can still go to listen to a concert or simply have a drink:

But what is more impotant in Cracow than the city itself are the people who live there. People who live actively and do a lot of interesting stuff. For example, you can take part in a boat competition. It’s a hard work actually, but also a lot of fun.

When living in Cracow I also went to the Lights festival. I’m not really into Bollywood and India in general, but I was invited by my friends who also took part in it, presenting yoga forms. It was an interesting experience, I must say.

I had a bunch of girls in Cracow we used to meet with from time to time and go for a beer, dance or simply meet at my house drinking wine and painting our nails (yep, painting nails! :D).

Last, but not least – the meetings and events related to Native American Indians and the Polish Movement, the people who organize the events and take part in them regardless rain or cold, regardless tiredness or lack of proper place.

At the very beginning I wouldn’t have thought that I would miss the place at any point in the future, that I would feel the sentiment to the city that had seemed to be so cold, noisy and unattractive… You can say „just go back!” and that’s true – it would be pretty easy. But now I’m not sure myself if I want to, something has broken inside me…

Life is so odd sometimes…

Nisia

It’s quite difficult to win with this, since you’re trying to satisfy others, but in reality they have never told you that they expect what you’re trying to give them. So it seems that you’re chasing your own imagination.

When I was a child, I felt the need to please others (I keep talking about myself, jeeez! ); appraisal and appreciation were the best motivation. I always wanted to be perfect, wanted to win. I had good notes at school, I won some competitions, but I had occasions in life when I gave more from myself than I could or should have.

This wasn’t what I actually wanted, but what I thought that others expected from me. And it didn’t make me happy in long term.

I always had somebody close to me that I felt responsible for and wanted to protect. I wanted to be the strong one. But at some point something has changed and I couldn’t handled it anymore, I didn’t want to do it anymore. I found out how wonderful it is to let somebody else protect me from time to time, to be fragile and feel really tiny, tiny, tiny… And that it didn’t mean I’m doing something wrong, or that I don’t deserve anything… because I still have a lot to offer. I’m still strong and can provide support for my friends. I’m not worse than I used to be if I show my weakness sometimes. Because nobody is perfect and this is an undeniable fact.

When speaking to a friend recently I realized that I don’t really behave this way anymore – I don’t try to satisfy others, I try to make myself satisfied and I’m the one who’s proud of myself (am I free? ). I don’t try to do what I think my parents want me to do. It seems that I finally grew up. It took me a while, but I did it! (so that’s how grown-ups feel! :D). I’m the priority for myself, even though there are people I love, I appreciate and that I could (almost ) die for. This might sound a bit egocentric, but you can’t just give through all your life and not take anything at all. After a while you’ll realize that you have nothing left, you have nothing else to give (and you still want to do it in some weird reason!) and you’re unhappy.

People come, and they quite often leave – they take a part of you with them. If you don’t take anything from life, what’s there for you? Your satisfaction from giving, satisfaction that will fade away at some point? Your fleeting memories? Photographs? Friends…?

I think that life is about sharing – sharing experiences, knowledge, concerns (they trigger thinking ), anxieties and sharing moments. About being with people. If you want to share, you also have to learn and gain – that’s in the definition.

I was struggling with this in the past, I put myself in certain roles performed for certain people. I wasn’t myself 100%. It was hard to change and I haven’t really noticed when it has actually happened. I’m me and I’m happy… This is how it’s supposed to be… right?

Nisia

Human nature is really odd – and truly interesting!

Do people change? Of course that they do… They can change completely if they want to, and that’s what they do sometimes. There are many things out there to help, just to name a few – in physical sense – piercing, tattoos, clothes, make-up, a new haircut… Strong emotions are excellent triggers not only for mental transformation, but also for a visible metamorphose: they can make you change your look or your life entirely, make you break out and drop your limits (quite often self-implied) and by what means? Hate, love, fear, incertainty…

When I was young, I was extremely shy – it was a nightmare sometimes. The words that simply weren’t coming out of my mouth, the paralyzing fright when doing something in public (and by „public” I mean even 5 people), the feeling of doing something wrong that often hit me with no reasons. It’s difficult to live this way when you’re a teenager, especially when you’re a rebel.

But this made me stronger. Made me want to change and achieve my goals. Made me think that I have to deal with my problems and my life on my own. After a while I understood that this is not the best way to live, since people are there to be „used”. Your friends are not only observers…

I always wanted to be anonymous, so I was glad when the chance occur to change my surname from quite a unique one to a popular one (TA-DAM!). I never wanted to be found on the internet, so I used different nicknames, never my surname, not even my name! I guess that I always thought it’s invading my privacy (and who’d be looking for me anyway…?). Or at least this is what I told myself. The real reason probably was lack of self-confidence, though.

And so, here I am now – trying to be heard, babbling about life. I have the urge to speak, and to be heard. And I don’t care if I’m talking crap, because this is what I need. And life is about doing what you like and what makes you feel good, at this very moment. So…

My name is Monika and I’m a shopaholic…

and a workaholic with addiction to travelling, music, photography and people...

Also,

I’m an introvert with a tendency to speak my mind freely, with an interest in the unusual and bizarre.

And I’m proud to be myself!

Nisia

*photo by Inez Bezczelna

We often don’t have the time to do so when we rush every day to work, school, shop or wherever you’re going, wherever you’re running to.

But, hey, just STOP!

You don’t even know what wonderful things you’re missing right now. There’s so much around there to see.

I tend to do it – go to a particular place, rush, run, see only the quickest way to get where I want to go – where I need to go… But at some point, if I don’t take a break from this fast city life, it always gets frustrating and I feel really exhausted. So there is time when I simply stop. Sit down. Have a walk. Wonder around and notice things I have never noticed before – the colour of the building I walk by every day, the shape of the pretty railings of that old house, the cat looking at me from the shop’s window, the flowers on the bushes on the other side of the river, the really odd street art – all the interesting things I miss when I don’t see – the unusual in the ordinary and people that run in circles just like me! And I let my thoughts wonder too, because they also need to get free from time to time. And this makes me feel much better and stronger This makes me feel alive…

Nisia